When he is sleeping I could watch him all night. The past year has been rough on us. I’ve never thought there was a chance I would have to be a single mother for a little while. But Alex was determined to go back into the reserves. I miss Alex so much, I can’t believe he is still in Iraq, I remember saying goodbye to him like it was yesterday.
We laid in bed for the whole night, neither one of us slept nor talked. We just enjoyed each other’s company. When the alarm when I off I wish time had stopped and I could freeze this moment in time with Alex’s arms around me. When he held me I felt safe and nothing was going to happen with him being by my side. But time didn’t stop no matter how much I wish and prayed it did. That was it our last night together for a year or possibly forever, over. I didn’t want to, couldn’t move. I was paralyzed I didn’t want to let go. Alex pulled me close and kissed me on the head. We laid like that for a minutes but it felt like seconds. When he got up and started to dress in his camouflage, the fear and tears started to roll in.
The rest of the morning went by like a blur. When we arrived at the airport Alex was holding Aden close trying to savor the moment. Aden was only four and didn’t fully comprehend where daddy was going, and I knew has he got older I would have to answer his questions.
But was I prepared to? I would have to be.
Then the announcement I was dreading, it was Alex’s platoon’s turn to deploy. I hugged him as tight as I could; trying to memorize everything and hoping my memory would last and wouldn’t fail. As he pulled away there was no stopping the tears streaming down my face. He turned around before he boarded the plane and smiled his crocked smile, that smile that made me fall in love with me.
Now as I look at him peacefully sleeping, I now know that I am strong enough to protect him, just like Alex protects me.
Epilog: I woke up to Aden’s singing in my ear and when I open my eyes Alex is there smiling, he puts him had on my belly. We can’t wait for the new addiction to our family to arrive.
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